The Part That Used To Be My Heart

Japan has ruined me. Either that or the honeymoon is over.

Or maybe I was just overdue to get so mad that I cried.

Whatever.

I have become an unhappy and miserable person who has been unable to be kind and generous to other people in the past two weeks. And I'm NOT pleased by that.

Thank God I sing a song called "All of Me" that has an entire finale/riff/free section where I get to do whatever I want with the lyrics "You took the part that used to be my heart, so why not take all of me?"

Because this actor needed some therapy today and decided to take it out on an unsuspecting crowd of 1489 Japanese people.

And the best part is, I was completely justified (especially as an actor) in my choices and cannot be given a legitimate note, even if they were actually brave enough to do so.

And damn, it felt good.

The ironic thing is, despite all the conversations, negotiations, arguments, and fights that have happened in the past two weeks, it wasn't until I was so mad that I was crying and visibly upset during sound check that the Japanese suddenly were worried about me. I could sing Big Band beat 15 shows a day and they wouldn't care, unless tears or steam started coming out of my head.

Nonetheless, I am a professional and did my show with full energy and a Disney smile. Until I pointed at the booth and accusatorily shouted "YOU" at the top of the coda.

Yet, as I said before, I was merely making a STRONG acting choice that is justified by the music and the lyrics and the direction, the latter of which there was none.

So.

Now I feel better. And I'm thrilled by that prospect.

Because I always see the big picture and I always see the long-term reasoning behind daily actions. Which, in this case, caused me to lose my brain, lose my shit, and be miserable for about 2 weeks.

And now, though not perfect, I feel better. Which is a necessity since I'm going on vacation in 2 DAYS! And I surely don't want to be constantly analyzing the pit of destruction that is our current work schedule.

So I'm going to attempt to just suck it up and deal with it. Not that that worked for the last 5 months (clearly). But I don't really have a lot of other options.

I've called bullshit. I've cried. I've tried to reason with unreasonable people in every way I can. I can see the solution, but I can't change other people. So in the end, I can't win.

But I surely can take out my aggression onstage.

Thank God for motivation.

WTF, Japan Part 6

While today in actuality was a rather fine day, it happened to be one of those days where nothing seemed to go my way.

First, I found out that I'm still jinxed in my attempts to go to karaoke, as I cannot join Evan and his parents tomorrow night because I have to attend rehearsal.

Then, I found out Ugly Betty was cancelled. Which is just a disappointing day for my inner couch potato.

The cloudy day and hint of rain didn't really bother me, since today's high was nearly 60 degrees... are we sure it's January? Though the humidity creeping back into the air wasn't a welcome sign...

At work, the proverbial cow poo hit the fan.

There was a lot of tension from the moment I walked in, but the real culprit today was this Valentine's Show Schedule from hell. I get it. It's hard for them. They wanna put up a show for as little money as possible, but I have one gripe.

I'm not your puppet, OLC. This ain't Pinocchio. I'm a real boy, darnit.

See, all 5 of us signed 5 show/9 hour day contracts. We're all here to perform in Big Band Beat. And you, up till now, have been (pretty much) fair about scheduling us as such, paying us as such, and maintaining a decent schedule.

But see, there's this little problem when you decide half of us are going to do a special event and get paid a crap-ton of overtime, while the other half get NADA.

And it becomes a BIG problem when you decide that the special event people shouldn't have to hold their own weight and do their fair share of the regular pay job. They should just do less shows and get paid more money.

You define these as two different shows. And you want them both to be good so you're worried about people's health. But that's not MY problem. I should not have to switch my days off because you don't wanna pay people overtime. And I DEFINITELY should not be picking up the slack and doing extra shows and all day performances for people who are making THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS MORE THAN ME.

If you're so worried about our health, cast an understudy (and actually teach him the show), pull them out of regular Big Band Beat for two weeks, or just leave the schedule as is and pay them the pocket change out of your coffers. I'm sure it'll really break the bank what with the 7 hour lines to buy Duffy's new girlfriend bear. Really. You're definitely hurting for revenue and the gai-jin are bleeding you dry.

But don't, DON'T play double standard with me and try to schedule us like we work one show when they are considered two separate shows and paid as such.

WTF, Japan? WTF?

I thought you might be the ONE contract of my life where the producers didn't pull stunts, but I forgot the one rule of capitalism and show BUSINESS... money rules all and ain't nobody gonna give a crap about what you deserve. You're in it for yourself.

Which is why this contract has been good for me. It's taught me to step up and ask for and/or demand what I want. And while I'm not always successful, at least the Japanese now know they can't pull one over on me.

The funny thing is... if they'd just explain and ask me nicely or grow a pair, invoke the terms of my contract, and tell me I HAVE to do something or they'll cut my pay... well then I might shut up and agree.

But until then, I ain't nobody's singing Pinocchio. Until you pay us equally, I ain't doing anyone else's work. Not anymore.