The Little Things

I'm so grateful.

It's the little things, isn't it?

The best friend who never forgets to call once a year and ask me how I'm doing.

Forgiving me for foolishly dumping my anger and pain on her when I returned to college that fall.

Actually, that's not that little.

A Mexican restaurant in Queens that has a maple leaf duck confit quesadilla and a garden that tranports you to Brazil.
A little international haven in my backyard.

I'm grateful for the World Cup.  The one in 2002.

The one that had my uncle awake at 4 AM so that he actually answered when I called from a pay phone 8 years ago in a grief-stricken panic because they wouldn't let me on the airplane in Newark.

I never thought a soccer game could save my sanity.

The way he used to scratch Sadie's ears while eating cornflakes, like it was their little secret how much he loved her.

No matter how mean we thought he was for making her sleep outside or stay off the carpet, she really loved him the most.

"Watch where you're GOIN'!"  If you ever visited my house in my childhood, you understand.

That when I walked by all the people waiting hours in 95 degree heat in the middle of the afternoon waiting to get into the Apple store, I could hear him right with me saying, "it's just a phone, people.  just a phone."

I'll never forget that sainthood IS achievable, no matter where life may take me.

The way he'd mutter and curse under his breath when he had a really bad day, even though he knew we could hear him breaking his own rules.

That the most romantic words I can think of are, "You wanna split a beer?"

That he told me I could always come visit but never move back home.  He knew just how to hold the parent-child leash, close enough so I was safe, but just far enough that my fear helped me succeed.

That a man loved his 8-year old son so much, believed in his dreams so much, different as they were, that, for two months, he pulled a rope to hoist him in the air and make him fly.
I flewed, Daddy.  I flewed.

It's the little things.

Did You Just SEE That?!

Seriously.

No, for real.  I'm serious.

Did you SEE that today?!

Oh wait.  I forgot.

There were THREE of those things today.  THREE!!!

In no particular order:

#1.  Victor Garber (aka Sidney Bristow's dad) getting on the subway at 42nd Street in a coat and tie.

I'm 100% obsessed with him for keeping it real.  This seriously made my day.

#2.  Landon Donovan's goal 1 minute into stoppage time.

Seriously.  You should probably go back in time and look at every American's (including mine) face of desperation and despair as they watch the time whittle away our chances at staying alive in the World Cup right up until Landon Donovan KICKed those goal-disallowing referees in the NUTS.

NO WAY they were taking away this one.

GOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!

That ball hit the back of the net and I was running around my apartment like a crazy person.

From out of the running to WINNING Group C in the last 2 minutes.

That's the stuff movies are made out of.

Obsessed.

#3.  The longest tennis match in HISTORY.

The longest SET in HISTORY.

AND IT'S NOT EVEN OVER YET.

Can you imagine playing 7 hours of tennis non-stop and neither you nor your partner dropping serve for 118 games?   And having to get up tomorrow and go at it some more?  Just like you did yesterday?

Wackadoodle.  This might be the most fascinating thing I've ever seen.

Sonya, one of the SYTYCD choreographers, said she has a fascination with pushing people beyond their limits, when they are so tired she starts screaming at them to do it once more and kick higher because the resultant movement and strength that comes out is beyond anyone's wildest perception.

I'm pretty sure she's peeing in her pants right now if she watches tennis.   Above and beyond.  Above and beyond.

I seriously can't wait to see how this ends tomorrow.  A champion's gladiator battle.   Bravo!


Okay, so they were kinda in a particular order.

Did I mention I don't really like sports?  I say that all the time, but...
Lies.  Not true at all.  Unless they're baseball, basketball, or golf.  The latter which I watched with my uncle this weekend... and (shocker!) kinda enjoyed.  WHOA.

History in the making.  AWESOME.

Birthday Musings

It's funny...

I thought today would instantly feel weirder, be harder, hold more grief.

Instead, I'm falling asleep to the sound of rain on my air conditioner and thunder echoing through the concrete valleys of New York City with my window wide open, blowing in the fresh air of another year on this Earth.

It feels so serene.  A celebration of life.  Not just my mother's gift of childbirth, but that of my birthday buddy with whom I shared 23 of these celebrations.  A celebration of my grandmother whose voice sings in me.  A celebration of my cousin, whose untimely passing challenged my deepest convictions about this business last year.

I didn't think I'd be able to be at peace today.

I know that's why I've been so calm about celebrating, because I didn't want to feel guilty.  And instead of that childlike party-sense, I'm enjoying reminiscing about the last year of my life and the joy it has brought.

So here we go.

Year 27.  I have a lot to learn, a lot to accomplish, and I'm starting over clean slate with no idea of what the future holds.

Gonna be one heck of a ride.

Tony Disappointment

You honestly didn't think I'd forget about the Tony awards, did you?

Too bad the Tony awards forgot about honoring great work and only looked at your star billing.
Thankfully, with a few exceptions.

Honestly, if it weren't for Katie Finneran's win and exceptional speech and Levi Kreis's piano skills, I might be convinced it's time to quit the business, since there wouldn't be much future left for someone like me.

When the dazzling effervescene of Sherie Rene Scott's hilariously heartbreaking journey, Kate Baldwin's sublime soprano meltings of the Harburg/Lane score, Christiane Noll's riveting interpretation of a changing woman, and Montego Glover's powerhouse physicality and vocals are sidelined by a sub-par, whiplash-inducing, needs-to-go-back-to-the-fermata-of-focus-in-Body-Movement performance because it was delivered by a movie star, things are rotten in the state of Antoinette Perry.

I'm not denying CZJ her Oscar, but any of the other 4 ladies truly deserved that Tony.

Apparently the only way to win a Tony is if you're British or famous.  Though that's not to say I'm not supremely delighted that SPD's British-import show received so much attention and he'll have a job for quite some time!

Don't get me started on the fact that Finian's Rainbow didn't even get represented in performance despite being deservedly nominated for Best Revival as well as Leading Actress and Featured Actor.  While much of that is probably due to Kate's cross-Atlantic scheduling nightmare, it's a snub nonetheless.  That sublime revival deserved more than a screen capture.

Especially when Green Day got 5 songs, Promises x2 got several features, and even Addams Family got special attention because (not even despite!) it was snubbed from nominations (deservedly so).

ScarJo stealing Jan Maxwell's award in Supporting started the evening off all wrong for me.  Even the presence of fave Ryan Reynolds on her arm could not sway the tide of discontent.

And sound issues?  AGAIN?

I'm glad Memphis won Best Musical over Fela.  At least they supported the original material concept, if only because that show is more bankable on the road.  And they shouted out to great regional theatres (HOLLA NORTH SHORE!).  I'll still never understand that awkward "re-perform" ending, though.  And I wish since it was gonna win that anyway, they'd have given Book to the super-deserving team for Everyday Rapture.  That show seriously blew me out of the water.

I am supremely happy that Barbara Cook and Angela Lansbury did not overshadow Ms. Finneran's brilliance, in part because I did not care much at all for Barbara's performance, and Angela got her older-age Tony for a much better appearance in Blithe Spirit.  For once, true scene-stealing was rewarded.

And finally, I have to fight back against all the Glee hatred.  While yes, there seemed to be a lot of Glee faces, and yes, there were two extra performances from Glee cast members, let's truly dissect this.

The five Glee faces have bankable appeal, but unlike many of the presenters tonight (Paula Abdul, weird Jets guy), they also actually have Bway street cred.  The 3 guest stars have all won Tony's, and would have been there had they not appeared on Glee.  Kristin is also starring on the Bway next to the nominated host of the evening.  Matthew Morrison has been nominated before, and Lea Michele has been performing since we were 8.  And was in a Best Musical original cast.  They have legitimate NY theatre credits.

Better yet, the numbers they performed were classics and better than much of the poorly-produced out-of-context sampler we saw this evening.  Oh, that and the fact that Lea was clearly auditioning for the 2012 revival of Funny Girl.

At least she got a full song.  Which apparently is too much to ask for Christiane Noll.

Forcing her to reaudition her exceptional talents with a 32-bar from-the-bridge cut of "Back to Before" from her already shuttered revival?  Shameless.  What's next, making her go to an ECC and wait in line on the street at 6 AM?  Guessing Catherine never had to do that.
Not allowing the Cagelles to perform their numbers since previous telecasts (from 25 years ago) have shown them?  Also shameless.
But those Cagelles still got a box office boost.

Cuz it's all about money and numbers and a glorified 3-hour commercial.

They should think next time before putting Daniel Radcliffe, in all his amazing humility, next to Katie Holmes's ridiculously clothed bust.
Green Day should just let the OBC sing their album, cuz I kinda hope a set piece Bret Michaels-es them.
Making actors read from moving teleprompters is evil.

I just have to remember: "our work is the greatest passport".  Congrats, Miss Finneran.  You deserve it!

(untitled)

i can't quite put into words how i felt today.

i ached to run free in the rain
   and gene kelly my way through nyu streets
           humming isn't it a lovely day like that afternoon in arundel

sadly i chose the safety of my umbrella
because subway air conditioning would have been too
      frigid
post-rain-dance


i set foot in chad's new apartment and the
      agony
      ecstasy
of change engulfed me
i miss him next door, but
     sae la's face on the top of the rock exploded my heart into
                                                                    a million crystals of joy.

i lied in my final interview

it was too quick
                   too shocking           awkward        painful       uncomfortable
to answer my future boss's question

conversational, and off-the-cuff                    innocent
not the time for pity

instead...

my father retired.
he doesn't have stock options.
the oil problem will go away.

a lie.

white.      maybe grey.      in that instant, a piece of my soul broke.

                                 a roommate to pick up the crystals.
                             one more fragile than the rest.

sushi
american style
different, intoxicating, delicious

homesick for the far east


milkshakes and sytycd
a young boy too much like me
              too different
not yet able to trace past blessings


the gluttonous melancholy of contentment.

A Cool Weather Week

Have you ever seen "The Goonies"?

I did, for the first time yesterday, courtesy of a post-poned interview and a cool, rainy day.  I'm glad I didn't see this classic when I was a kid, because it would have freaked me out, but now I just want to ride that awesome water slide.

"Hey, you guuuuuuuyyys!"

Monday was an overwhelmingly exhausting and bi-polar day.  My roommate's psychology book said that all performers are a little bit bi-polar, which I'm still on the fence about, but if you mix in the fact that I'm a Gemini and had 3 auditions that took about 12 hours...  I guess it kind of makes sense.

Luckily, the overall vibe of the day was a good, albeit exhausted, one.  However, after the first dance audition in which I got cut despite feeling I'm rather perfect for the show, I was feeling a bit down on myself.  There isn't a lot to look forward to this summer, and I felt like I choked when the right audition was in front of me.  Doesn't help that my roommate is now in final callbacks for the show, though I am happy for her!

The afternoon, however, went much better.  Much like Radio City, I finally broke through the glass ceiling of a certain long-running holiday show that I never make it past the second cut.  No matter what dance we do, I never get to sing!  Unlike Radio City, though, I not only broke the second-cut barrier, I made it through the 5th and final cut, and had the opportunity to keep dancing one-on-five with the choreographer in a little work/add-on session at the end of the day.

Of course, I was freaking TIRED by this point, mentally and physically, but I just struggled on through the 5 PM slump and did my best.  I don't suspect I'll book this show, but I think I have a good shot at it after Monday's madness.

And boy, did it feel good.

Helped wipe away that crappy Young Frankenstein audition too!

Tuesday I got to hang out with my cousin Evan who's been staying in the city for a couple weeks, and we found this crazy awesome rooftop Irish pub in Midtown East.  The Perfect Pint.  What was really perfect about it though was the apparently required-to-work-there Irish accent.  I love a good brogue!  Even better, our waitress for dinner at 515 had one too!  Apparently I know where they all work:  Murray Hill!

Today I have my third and final interview for a waiting job at Hillstone's, formerly Houston's.  A friend kind of hooked me up with the gig, and though I'm not necessarily sold on selling my time (and probably soul) to a waiting gig, it does seem like a nice way to spend the summer and make some money, rather than sweat to death and be poor in my apartment.  HA!

And on that note.... I better get moving.

A Blog A Day...

...keeps procrastination at bay.

Tonight it finally cooled off courtesy of blasting winds and a sensible thunderstorm.  Unfortunately, Kate and I slept in very late and languished in the afternoon humidity so we failed at attending Japan Day in Central Park.  No Nihongo Practice for me!  :(

But I did some amazing things today.

I made a LOT of progress in cleaning and storing stuff in my room, hanging pictures on our walls, and nesting in our place even more.

Unfortunately I also cracked the glass in one of our frames and discovered I spilled water on my artwork that was waiting to be hung and ruined it (hopefully not beyond repair).  BOO.

I'm so pleased with our new landlords and the efficient and quick way in which they solve problems.  It's so nice not to be scared to walk downstairs and tell them our tub won't drain.  Even though he's feeling sick, 10 minutes later our landlord was here taking apart the drain, getting out the clog not only in the tub, but also fixing our bathroom sink and checking our toilet and kitchen sink.

Sayonara, old landlord.  I seriously hope I never see you again.

I also got to play with 3-D chalk with Kate's nephew.  That pretty much solves all adult problems.  For 5 minutes at least.

And I'm off to bed early before tomorrow's very eventful audition day.  Full report to follow, I hope.

Oh Where, Oh Where Has My Little Blog Gone?

"Oh where, oh where can it be?"


I'm baa-aaaaaaaaaack!  You missed me, didn't ya?

No?!

I'm not surprised.  But I missed me, and thanks to my favorite dedicated reader who keeps me on top of this thing, I know some of you out there did too.  And I dropped the ball.

But now I'm back.  Floppy ears and wet nose and all.  (That was a reference to the song quote above.  I, in fact, do not have floppy ears or a wet nose, just floppy hair and some stray nose hairs (thanks, Dad, for those genes!))

So.  I missed about a month.

I'm really sorry about that.  For a couple weeks, I wasn't that great.  A little seasonal depression (I know, wrong time according to the psychologists, but I freak out when I realize that it's gonna get HOT and HUMID and gross and the days are gonna be long and brutal and boring, and I hide.  Deal with it.), a little career depression, a little "my life is really boring now that every day isn't a new adventure in a foreign country" depression, a little I-wish-I-didn't-have-wait-till-august-to-see-my-family blues, and yeah.

I dropped the ball.  And then when I wanted to get back on the horse and get moving again, my life suddenly got exciting and busy and late.

I'm writing this at 2:30 AM for goodness' sake, because if I don't, it'll be July before the habit recurs.

Which also may be why I'm mixing similes, metaphors, analogies, and other hyperboles like a dork.  Which I am.

Quick rundown (in case you really did wonder what I've done that wasn't hiding in my room (but not cleaning it!), for the past 4 weeks):

• I went to P.C. Richards and Sons and probably got ripped off, but I spent $200 on the best thing money can buy...  AIR CONDITIONING FOR MY ROOM.  Ahh.  The sweet hum of NYC humidity being sucked out of my sleeping quarters.
• I took Kate's advice and actually got the heck-out-of-Dodge (did you know that's a reference to Dodge, Kansas?) and tubed down the Delaware in my old neck-of-the-woods the other day.  Along the way, I sadly had to be reminded of something I already knew and would never do, but others in the group did not:  Never.  EVER.  Trust a GPS.  All my family on my father's side can easily say DUH! because we were taught how to read a map and think with our navigational skills, but I was reminded that not everyone knows that.  Seriously.  Do your homework before you drive to Milford, NJ instead of Milford, PA.
• I saw SATC2 with my amazing roommate and of course we walked (both ways!) the 45 minutes to the movie theatre on a whim to a midnight showing.  Best 4 AM walk home ever.
• I also saw MacGruber and Prince of Persia.  Bad idea.  Even Jake couldn't save the latter.
• I've suddenly seen 7 shows unexpectedly.  The amazing Leslie Jordan's one-man show.  Our heritage!  The stand-out surprise of the season... Sherie Renee Scott in Everyday Rapture.  SUPERB.  The great, but not as good as Spring Awakening, American Idiot with my choir VP from high school, Angie!  Guy even gave me his guitar pick at the end of the show.  WOOT.  The superb ensemble work of the casts of Next Fall and Sondheim on Sondheim and the Temperamentals.  And my college roommate's Broadway debut as Chantal in the INCREDIBLE La Cage aux Folles Revival.  SOGOI!!!
• I've had my best friends from high school AND college AND Sweden drop in for visits, making me feel very blessed and very grown-up.
• I screamed like a kid at Christmas when I ran into friends from Tokyo for a mini-reunion, including my Aussie friend who got her visa approved for the summer and suddenly appeared in NYC!
• I've been to a waiting job interview, a few auditions, even more picnics, and still haven't found the time to hang pictures on our walls in the living room.
• I finally started to feel like a human being again.

And so in the midst of all that, my life in New York has rocketed back into existence.  Every day is a new adventure (or rapture, Ms. Scott), and tomorrow's brings Japan Day in Central Park!

Today was a delightful day, though I am ridiculously sore from the Swede's dance class two days ago, and now am nursing banged-up shins because I tumbled over our big cart as we walked to the park today as well as a swollen arch because I stepped on a bee while playing soccer barefoot with Kate's nephew.  I've seriously got to get unstung, unsore, and deallergized before Monday's double tap audition madness or my body is gonna HURT!